Christmas Memories

Recently, on Christian radio, I paid attention to the words being sung in a song. The words said, “A heartache is but a stepping stone on our journey, always reaching upward”. It would be nice if we could choose our own path and miss the heartache stones while only walking on the happy stones. The words went on to say, “The things of earth dim and loose their value. They are only borrowed for but awhile. This weary world with its toil and trouble are temporary. We carry on with joy, looking to eternity”.

As the years go by, the Christmas Holidays become a time of cumulative memories. The older we become, the more heartache memories are added to our thoughts of times past. It is wonderful to celebrate Christmas when there are children in the family. In general, but not always, youth is a time of joy. As a grandmother, I can see the excitement of Christmas through the eyes of my grandsons. Hopefully they will have only good memories for a long while.

I had a wonderful Christmas with my family but melancholy memories flooded my present experiences many times during the past few weeks. As I stood near my daughters in Church, I could see myself standing at my Mom’s side as she and I sang Christmas hymns together during Christmas services years ago; wonderful memories, yet making me sad as I recall them now. I am so grateful to be able to pass on my parent’s faith to the next two generations which stood with me at the 2011 Christmas Eve service. I love them all. I don’t think they realized how very much it meant to me to have my family together worshiping our Lord (or maybe they did!). For me, it was the highlight of a meaningful, happy weekend. For two thousand years the story of the birth of the promised Christ Child has been passed down from one generation to the next. It was Christmas again and I was passing on my faith to the next generations in my family. It is a permanent, forever message that I will celebrate every day in my life, not just on December 25th.

I have one of my mother’s hand-written, black and white marbled recipe books. I needed to look up her recipe for Jule Grot, a Norwegian Christmas rice pudding, which has been a traditional Christmas Eve dish in our family. I called my sister, Marlene, to get her expert advice because she took over making it when Mom was no longer with us. I had to learn how to make it because geographically, she is still on Long Island and I am now in Pennsylvania. Mom was in the habit of writing a note, as one would in a diary entry, about the success of the recipe in a given year. As Marlene and I reviewed the ingredients over the phone, I noted Mom’s entry for December 24, 1990. It said, “Marlene and Ken are going to pick me up and we are going to St. Luke Lutheran Church to hear Christa sing with the youth group. From Church we are all going to Ken and Marlene’s for Christmas Eve”. Mom’s entry brought tears to both of our eyes and I shared with Marlene about how I had been having a hard time this Christmas encountering memories. She admitted to having similar emotional times herself and related dealing with tears when she took out Ma’s round yellow pyrex bowl as she readied to make Krumkake (a Norwegian rolled cookie traditionally served at Christmas). She remembered Ma using this bowl to make these cookies throughout many happy Christmas’ past. We miss all those whom we have loved and are no longer with us to make and share memories. We look back and are grateful for their lives. We move forward each year with new family and friends, making new memories along the stepping stones of life.

I can remember similar emotions, years ago, when I was flooded with tears, even sobs.
Angela, Richie’s Mom, had taught me how to make Swedish Coffee Bread, a Christmas tradition in his family. For many years we made it together prior to the holidays. Angela died in April 1988. I had grieved her death but I don’t remember crying. In December, I got ready for the holidays gathering the ingredients for my coffee bread. As I prepared the cardamom, I pictured my mother-in-law sitting at my kitchen table counting out cardamom for each batch of bread. As the years passed and she could no longer do much of the total recipe I made sure that she was always with me, continuing to make it a joint endeavor. I looked over at the table where she would sit and I began grieving her death in a way I hadn’t done before. I will always remember that moment and the sobs which I experienced. Life is made up of moments and memories; times of heartaches and times of happiness. Each is a piece of our individual journey.

This year my family and I made new memories. We had a very wonderful Christmas Eve with my sister Jane and her family; in Pennsylvania. Jane, Ron, Richie, I, and our children and our grandchildren built good memories and continued traditions which we hope will be passed on through the years. I made Glog, Gravalax with dill mustard, Swedish Coffee Bread, and Jule Grot. We place a shaved almond in the rice pudding and the one who finds it in his or her dish gets the prize. The prize is usually a marzipan pig but this year it was a small box of Marzipan fruit. Middle Trevor, one of Jane and Ron’s six grand children was the winner. Our Trevor calls him middle Trevor because he is little Trevor and his dad is big Trevor. Laura and John’s son is middle Trevor. The young cousins had so much fun being together on Christmas Eve. They sang Christmas Carols with Uncle Bruce on his guitar. Jane read “The Night before Christmas” to the children while they gathered at her feet. In the middle of the group of children sat Jane’s new Christmas angel, Ben, a loving, gentle 15 month old St Bernard. It was a picture; it was a memory. Our Christa and Kris will be adding a new little cousin to the group before next Christmas. God is Good…..All The Time!!!

I will continue to pass on our Christmas traditions but most of all I will continue to pass on the faith that was passed on to me, and to each of us, from generation to generation. I pray daily for Richie, Marlene, Jane, Ken, Ron, Erica, Trevor, Christa, Kris, Trevor, Hunter, Christa’s Baby-to-be, my nieces and nephews and grand nieces and grand nephews. I will list them all by name: Doug, Mary, Kendel, Matt, Sean, Riley, Quintin, Dylan, Ryan, Amy, Bruce, Laura, John, Joyel, Sean, Caitlin, Allison, Trevor, Courtney, Mckenna, and Khloe. We miss all who have gone on from this world ahead of us and are grateful for their lives, their love, their memory, and all they passed on to us: our parents, our Elisa and Carrie, Heidi and others whom we loved and who touched our lives. We become a little part of everyone who crosses or walks on the path with us for any length of time. May my life reflect the life of my Savior as I continue to walk my journey and as I continue to love the family and friends placed in my life.